Toxic Beer

 

 

Toxic Beer

by Simon Bullock

GENRE: Humor

Unemployed computer engineer Sidney Ramsbottom inherits a small fortune from his late father’s business investments after he is found dead floating face down in a large vat of beer accompanied by two scantily-dressed Polish pole dancers and their three performing sheep Brittany, Lulu, and Michaela.

Before Sid has a chance to enjoy this unexpected windfall, however, he is abducted by a group of thieving alcoholic aliens who have been bumping and burping their way across the universe while on the run from the Intergalactic Police in a stolen spaceship.

Sid is left unconscious in the spaceship’s smelly cargo bay and left to rot while the aliens set forth to carry out their plans for the planet Earth.

Excerpt:

After being promoted to the chief engineer’s recently vacated position, Harry found himself obligated to fix the ship and remove all the toxic waste before they could finally set course and go home. Before this unexpected promotion, they had considered Harry nothing more than a low life grease monkey. Who was not capable of doing a simple menial task? It was entirely unfair, I might add, because young Harry was quite the prodigy genius in engineering matters.

Harry’s problem, which kept him from using this genius to its full potential, was his somewhat unorthodox approach to solving complicated problems. Another issue he had was his inability to take orders; this had led to many disasters and nasty accidents, which had frequently nearly been the end of all of them. However, if it hadn’t been for the former chief engineer’s quick actions, in that case, God only knows the outcome or consequences his tinkering would have caused.

One particular incident was when young Harry had taken it upon himself to fiddle with the old spaceship’s fuel mixture parameters. Harry believed they were inefficient and reckoned he could do much better. Having assumed that by tweaking the yeast, oxygen, and sugar ratios a tad, the engines would perform more efficiently, saving precious fuel. Maybe he’d impress the chief with his genius, who would have a word with the captain and have Harry promoted to junior engineer. That was until everything went pear shape, and the engine’s packed up, forcing them to make an unexpected crash landing on Andoraan V. If it hadn’t been for the chief’s quick thinking and taking the blame for Harry’s stupidity, young Harry’s future might have looked very different.

Truth be told, the only reason the captain had promoted Harry in the first place was that, as his second in command had pointed out, Harry knew how to repair things. He also pointed out that young Harry had stayed relatively sober most of the time, unlike the rest of the crew, who were permanently pissed and unreliable despite all that had happened.

About the Author:

Simon, who works as a medical engineer, has had a lifelong passion for writing as well as a sci-fi comedy. 

Toxic Beer has been a decade in the making but, as readers and critics alike attest, has been worth the wait. Simon’s zany, joke-rich and earthy storytelling will appeal to anyone who loves the likes of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide, the writing of Robert Rankin, as well as classic British TV sci-fi comedy, show Red Dwarf and the cult sci-fi comedy film Galaxy Quest. 

With his first, critically acclaimed novel having gone down better with readers than a cool pint on a scorching day, Simon is now working on a follow-up to Toxic Beer–a prequel revealing the bleary-eyed aliens’ escapades during their extended inter-galactic booze cruise. 

A hoopy frood who always knows where his towel is, Simon also plays blues harp in the rising Dutch blues band, BluesShack. 

Originally from the UK, Simon currently lives in Utrecht, Netherlands, with his wife Chrissie and two cats. In his free time, he enjoys cooking and likes to brew homemade Beer with more kick than an Arcturian MegaDonkey.

Social Media Links: 

https://www.facebook.com/simonbullock.co.uk 

https://twitter.com/SimonbullockA   

Website: https://www.simonbullockauthor.com/ 

Buy Link: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Beer-TOXIC-BEER-TRILOGY/dp/B0932CXBJ5

The book is $0.99 to buy, or free to read on Kindle Unlimited.

GIVEAWAY

Simon Bullock will be awarding a $20 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

a Rafflecopter giveaway